So I gotta admit.
When The Donald christened our fair-haired governor Ron DeSanctimonious I was jealous. Shoulda thought of that myself, I brooded.
How will I ever top that one?
It took me about 15 minutes to get over myself.
By now, there are about 15,000 and counting nicknames for Florida’s anti-Ron. The pro-Ron, of course, being…you know…me (he said modestly).
Anyway, long story short, I’ve come up with my own anti-Ron moniker. And I think I’m gonna stick with it for a while, if only because consistency is the hobgoblin of nattering nabobs of negativity (aka liberal pundits).
Because the anti-Ron is turning out to be the human scrub-and-cleansing agent of Florida public eduction. Sort of like Comet. Only with a nicer suit.
He’s gonna scrub our schools and universities of any and all perceived impurities.
Or at least as many as he can get around to before the presidential primaries crank up.
You got books in that classroom, Mr. or Miz. Teacher?
Well better throw a sheet over them or you are looking at a stiff fine and slammer time.
Want to protect your kid from objectionable ideas, Liberty Mom? Heck, now you can protect everybody’s kids from any ideas you personally object to.
What? African-American Studies? Not on my lily white watch, pal!
European Civilization Studies was good enough for Jesus, so it’s good enough for Florida.
Diversity? I got your diversity right here, pal!
Equity? That’s just a commie concoction!
Tenure? It is to laugh.
Academic freedom? When we want your opinion, prof, we’ll beat it out of your leather elbow-patched moth-eaten sports coat.
By the way, does anybody remember what rock we stuck Corcoran under?
Well, it’s time to turn it over and get him to Sarasota.
There’s major bloodletting to be done at New College. And Corcoran is the DeSanitizer’s Torquemada.
Repent, you damned libera…um…I mean heretics! Judgement day is upon you.
Listen, by the time we’re done, Pink Floyd’s wall is gonna be eight miles high and 100 miles long.