I am sooooo sorry, Iceland.
I knew not what I did.
I was so proud of myself in my last blog.
When I quoted your distinguished, and only, Nobel Laureate to make the point that Icelanders were so very much like Americans.
And that perhaps we (you know, us manly Manifest Destiny types) ought to be setting our sights on this North Atlantic island rather than Greenland.
I of course was writing tongue in cheek.
But I forgot one thing.
Many of my loyal followers don’t know this. But my most enthusiastic…dare I say slavish?…fan happens to have his own modest following on something called Truth Social.
And wouldn’t you know it?
No sooner had I posted my blog than Freegnv Fan #1 went on Truth Social to post a map which suggested that all of North America…from Canada to Mexico…ought to be incorporated into the Good Old USA.
And as if that weren’t bad enough, there…way out in right field… was a small island painted entirely in GOP red. As if to imply that Iceland, too, should become part of this new American Empire.
Dude! I was kidding.
It’s not bad enough that we have a trade war with Canada. Now Iceland has summoned our U.S. Ambassador to explain this wholly “inappropriate” posting.
It wasn’t his fault. Mea culpa Iceland.
Still, since I’m on the subject, I might as well set the record straight:
I was NOT sent here by Stephen Miller as an advance guard to pave the way for an imminent American invasion.
To be spearheaded by the barely functioning USS Abraham Lincoln as it limps its way back home.
In pursuit of which goal I did NOT spike Reykjavík’s drinking water with testoserone.
To help bring those good folks around to our way of thinking.
I most certainly did NOT leave signs or graven images on Iceland’s most iconic and photographed promontory which might indicate that it had been renamed Mt. Trump.
And I absolutely positively did NOT do anything untoward to suggest that Skutustaoahreppur…Iceland’s midge infested, sulphur reeking steam vents out of hell volcanic attraction…had been renamed Biden’s Folly.
Not true, Iceland.
Still, having gotten that off my chest, may I offer a couple of um, helpful suggestions?
When I visited your Glacier Lagoon a few days ago, I noticed a sign that seemed to attribute your shrinking glaciers to the effects of climate change.
You may or may not know that we, back here in the Good Old USA, do not believe in climate change.
And as beautiful as Glacier Lagoon is, it would be a shame if something happened to it.
In the event that, you know, there may be a, um, regime change in the offing…
…would you mind changing your signs to blame the shrinking ice on, oh, I dunno, Social Democrats?
One more thing.
Today I visited your Bridge Between Continents, which marks the place where the Eurasian and North American tectonic plates separated….
…allegedly due to natural forces.
As you may or may not know, we Americans also do not believe in science.
It would be oh so very helpful if you could change your signage to suggest that God Himself separated those plates.
In order to, um, nudge, Iceland away from Europe and a bit more in the direction of the Good Old USA.
Oh, one more thing, Iceland.
Would it be ok if I could clear customs and get on an airplane sometime in the next…oh, I dunno…36 hours?
Not that anything untoward is going to happen here after that.
It’s just that I’m just a very schedule oriented carbon based life form.
And when I gotta go I gotta go.
Thanks.
FreeGNV 