Listen, I’m not the kind of guy to say ‘I tole you so.’
But I tole you so, Gator Nation.
I tole you so in my recent post ‘I see a bad moon arisin’
I said: The universe isn’t ready for renewed Gator glory. And you scoffed.
I said: This improbable Gators run has created a disturbance in the Force. And you guffawed.
I said: The Gods of Football are angry. And you bought more Gator gear.
Still, I can understand why you are so shell-shocked now. Even though all I prophecied has come to pass.
Losing two in a row is one thing.
But the team that so handily thrashed Auburn and Ole Miss bore no resemblance at all to the stumble bums who lost so badly to Mizzou and the Gamecocks.
As usual, I am here to answer all of your unanswerable questions.
It is a little known fact that the Gods of Football and the Gods of Hollywood are one and the same.
And as you well know, because I’ve tole you like a million times, everything I know about life, the universe and everything I learned from the movies.
And it just so happens the Gods of Hollywood predicted the Gators inexplicable transformation from heroes to zeros not once, not twice, but three times.
Which is how many times they made and remade “Invasion Of The Body Snatchers.”
(Four times if you count “The Faculty”, an “Invasion” rip-off only with football players.)
I’ve seen all four. And there is no other explanation, really.
As it happens, while we were still celebrating Ole Miss, I chanced to see several open produce trucks heading into GNV.
Bearing a bizarre – um, let’s call it fruit – looking like fat watermelons wrapped in huge tobacco leaves.
All of them headed for the Pleasure Palace where our Gator Galahads rehearse and recreate.
Well, even Gator Galahads have to sleep sometime.
And you know what happened then.
Scoff and guffaw and restock all the paraphernalia you want.
But you gotta better explanation?
The thing about those melon transformation is that the end result is a bunch of puppets in a vegetative state, subject to group-think and totally lacking in free will, the ability to reason or act on one’s own initiative.
Yeah, just like MAGA.
Anyway, somebody had to break it to you, Gator Nation. And Mike Bianchi simply lacks the expertise to connect the dots and come to the logical conclusion
Because he was watching football when he shoulda been at the movies.
With me.
And it’s like I already said.
I tole you so.
