My all time favorite reader complaint during my 30 years as Sun editorial page editor arrived in the form of a short and sweet e-mail.

Ron Cunningham wants us all to ride bicycles and live in bio-domes.

How did he know?

I mean, he was right, of course.

But how did he break the Cunningham Secret Code and expose my conspiracy against autoAmerica for the whole world to see?

The secret blueprint for winning my own personal War On Cars.

As it turns out that the secret is well and truly out there now.

Consider this recent report from NPR about the U.S. Department of Transportation’s purging of bicycle safety resources from its website.

Quoting a transportation spokesperson:

Since nearly 80% of the population uses cars to get to work and their important medical appointments, we are taking a closer look at federal guidance to ensure American families have the infrastructure they need.

This is a common sense approach despite the Left’s belief that everyone should ride a bike to their shoebox-sized apartment to eat crickets to achieve a phony climate agenda.

Great! Next thing you know the Trumpsters are gonna outlaw bio-domes. Then my secret plan will be in tatters.

And just to be clear, lips that touch crickets will never ever touch mine.

Still, I guess I owe a debt of gratitude to Transportation Sec. Sean Duffy for setting me straight on one thing.

Per his recent social media posting:

Remember when Biden and Boot-edge-edge used YOUR MONEY for DEI bike lanes and climate change? THAT’S OVER. I just redirected $1.73 billion in USDOT grants away from Biden-era DEI pet projects. 
Now this funding is officially locked in to fix America’s actual backbone: ROADS, BRIDGES, AND SHIPPING PORTS.

Silly me. All along I’ve been assuming that I support DEI because I believe in diversity, equity and inclusion.

Turns out I’m simply a DEI stooge because I, you know, ride a bicycle.

But it finally fell to Salon to clue me in on the real damage that DEI/cycling socialistic radicals like myself have done to this United States Of autoAmerica.

Real men don’t bike: How cars became the symbol of American manhood

Inside the Trump Administration’s campaign to sell a vision of masculinity rooted in speed and strength

During the second Trump administration, conservatives have pushed for a return to a car-centric culture and all that it symbolizes for MAGA, and the DOT has played a leading role in that messaging.

Along with that cultural messaging is a backlash against anything that threatens the car culture that accompanies it: enter Duffy’s “DEI bike lanes.” 

Listen, no less a towering figure of American masculinity than Trump himself has publicly vowed that he will never ride a bicycle.

Because, I assume, they aren’t allowed on his golf courses.

And who am I to quibble with Donald?

Because it’s clear that real men would never ride bicycles.

Oh, I suppose I could point out that several less-than-real-men of my acquaintance have ridden their bicycles across country – from sea to shining sea. Some of ‘em more than once.

And they didn’t do it in their teens, but rather in their 60s and 70s. Can’t get more masculine than that.

And not to brag, But I have personally cycled the car-hell treets of Chicago, New York, Philadelphia and San Francisco.

Hell, I’ve even peddled through Moscow. Where they build high-rises for the sole purpose of housing their killer cars.

And I lived to tell about that harrowing experience, I might add.

How masculine is that Sean?

But there’s no arguing with these folks, I guess.

Still, let me give it a shot.

This notion that bike infrastructure is the stuff of DEI-loving liberals holds no water here in deep crimson red Florida.

Two examples:

The planned community of Palm Coast, in Flagler County, was originally pitched as an “active lifestyle community” for newly arrived snow birds.

At its inception, the concept of “active lifestyle” pretty much consisted of golf, fishing and maybe tennis.

But over the years, as Palm Coast became one of the fastest growing cities in America, it became clear to city leaders – most of whom were Republicans – that fewer of its residents were interested in golf, fishing or tennis.

So Palm Coast built miles and miles of multi-use trails.

Using Obama stimulus money, of all things.

As then city Communications Director Cindi Lane told me in 2013:

We are very proud that in six years we have been able to develop 125 miles of multi-use paths, bicycle trails and sidewalks.

Thanks to Obama.

But that’s not even the best example of how Florida Republicans have embraced the cycle culture.

Since the 1990s, Florida’s multi-use greenways have grown from a handful of isolated, unconnected trails – Gainesville-Hawthorne, and Tallahassee-St. Marks and the like – to a truly impressive system of connected greenways that now encompasses more than 7,500 miles.

And that explosive growth is largely due to GOP governors and state legislators who earmarked millions of dollars, year in and year out, to connect and expand trails.

They did it for two reasons.

They recognized the economic development potential of trails that Floridians and tourists alike could use without worrying about cars killing em.

And they knew that trails were wildly popular with their constituents, Reps and Dems alike.

These days it’s possible to ride from Edgewater, on the Atlantic Coast, to St. Petersburg on the Gulf almost exclusively on trails.

And if you have ever ridden The West Orange Trail, The South Lake Trail, or The Pinellas Trail – the grandaddy of all Florida greenways – you know how popular and well used they are.

(That said, I wish I could say that red Florida’s DOT has followed suit, but it has not. That’s why several Florida cities remain among America’s most deadly for pedestrians and cyclists.)

Of course, I have no evidence that “real men” of the Trump Tribe would be caught dead on a bicycle on any of Florida trail.

For one thing there’s this pervasive belief among Real Men that constant contact with a bicycle seat…can cause sterility.

Plus, when you spend your entire life driving wherever you wanna grow, eventually you get too obese to get up on a bicycle.

As for Duffy’s stuff and nonsense about DEI bike lanes, I suspect that this too shall pass.

Like most of the other Trump cabinet clowns who have abandoned life-saving public policy for the joy of waging a non-stop culture war on those people (like me) their days in power are numbered.

Heck, maybe I’ll even ride my bicycle to the next presidential inauguration.

And stay at an Air B&B bio-dome.