Listen, we can all agree that the Last Guy, Coach Muschamp/McElwain/Mullen didn’t work out.
But we are confident that the Next Guy, Coach Muschamp/McElwain/Mullen/TBA will be the Right Guy.
And not just because we know that, this time, Coach Muschamp/McElwain, Mullen/TBA will be the most inspired hire since Coach Spurrier/Meyer.
No, it’s because……
….we are determined to By God keep throwing money at our quest to become a National Championship Super Power until something By God finally sticks.
What? You think that $7 million salaries here and $12 million buyouts there is the Key To Success. That’s just chickenfeed, pal. Rounding errors.
No, we’re gonna win this thing the same way we won the Cold War. Maybe when next year’s $85 million athletic pleasure dome is finished we will finally possess the requisite Football NTW (Nuclear Throw Weight) to prevail.
Just as we won the Arms Race by throwing money at the Military Industrial Complex until Ivan said “Nyet!” we’re poised to win the Great College Sports Facilities Race the old fashioned way.
Because, let’s face it, we’ve dropped the ball up till now.
We squandered money on academics – a $32 million physics building here, a $66 million chemistry building there – yet have nary a Nobel Prize to show for it.
And ESPN doesn’t even broadcast Nobel scrimmages, so what’s the point?
And while the Tide was achieving Total Sports Facilities Dominance, we were treating our star athletes like they were going to…oh I dunno…Vandy or junior college or someplace.
Oh, I know. Some cynics argue that trying to match Alabama and Ohio State warhead for warhead isn’t sustainable.
Some even say it’s obscene in an age when once-hallowed world class universities are dealing with everything from budget cuts to sky-high tuition to political attacks on academic freedom.
But let me tell you, friends and neighbors. If we had listened to such naysayers back in the day, we’d all be speaking Roosky right now.
No, we are in it for the pride. For the glory. For the roar of the crowd and the smell of money cascading from Bull Gator wallets.
We’re gonna win this thing. Else what’s the University Athletic Complex for?
And, listen, if our new $85 million dollar pleasure dome doesn’t finally put us on the road to National Championship Dominence…well…
…we might just have to suck it up and build a brand new stadium.
What, you ask? Can we afford that? Wrong question, peacenik.
Can we afford not to?