Further fun, frolics and foolishness from the Free State Of Floriduh
DOE’s attention deficit
To be fair, Floriduh Edjucation Commish Anastasios Kamoutsas has been far too busy scolding a Gainesville teacher for using a gender-neutral title and castigating Alachua County’s school board for creating a toxic climate to pay any attention to his own shop’s failure to keep track of hundreds of millions of dollars doled out in private and charter school vouchers.
“Any improper payments, any ineligible amounts, you’re paying and chasing those amounts, because the dollar’s already gone out the door,” Matthew Tracy, deputy auditor general of Florida, said.
Hey! Where’s The Great DeSanitizer’s DOGE police when you need ‘em? Oh, that’s right, they’re too busy accusing blue Florida cities of wasteful spending to worry about the state’s own extensive record of financial malfeasance.
To Congress with love
Give it up for GNVs merry prankster Glenn Terry. In preparation for the Jan. 3 Flying Pig Parade, Terry and his merry gang have come up with a 15-foot plastic spine. Now volunteers are needed to carry it on Flying Pig day.
“Congress has no spine so we made it one!” he said. Now there’s a campaign donation suitable for the times we live in.
Rubio’s hostile takeover
Listen, Florida’s own Marco Rubio, Trump’s Secretary of State, may not be able to broker peace in the Ukraine or bring Venezuela to its knees, but he’s got at least one bad actor firmly in his crosshairs.
Upset that the selection committee is probably going to leave Miami out of the college football playoff lineup, Rubio is threatening retaliation. If Miami isn’t in, Trump may have to “take over” the College Football Playoff.
He’s only kidding, of course. Still, a word of advice to selection committee members: Best not take any boat rides for a while.
Our anti-Ron is on a roll
Just in time for the holidays, you can now buy Great DeSanitizer gift wrapping.
This from Florida Politics: “Restore Our Nation PAC is selling ‘Ron DeSanta’ Christmas wrapping paper for $25 a roll. The PAC is pitching the merch as a way to ‘wrap your gifts like your politics’ while boosting its effort to take the Governor’s Florida Blueprint national. A less DeSantis-themed ‘Freedom Is My Favorite Gift’ design is also available, along with Alligator Alcatraz shirts and branded fleece pullovers.”
Oh yeah, and Great DeSanitizer coal lumps are available to fill the Xmas stockings of Dems, trans, illegals, Chinese and commies.
He rocks
Imaging Mr. Kotter ditching his classroom for politics and you have Timothy Brandt Robinson. The long-haired Pinellas County history teacher – who was once accused of “Marxist indoctrination” by a parent – has had it up to here with the culture of school censorship. So he’s running against Republican firebrand Anna Paulina Looney…oops!…I mean Luna, for Congress.
Robinson decided to run while climbing cliffs in Alabama, so you know he rocks.
Chalking up more arrests
Listen, if you think resistance to The Great DeSanitizer’s war on painted crosswalks has petered out, think again.
Reports Orlando Weekly” “On Nov. 23, 28-year-old James Houchins and 29-year-old Austin “Bubba” Trahan were caught on video ‘aggressively’ chalking the term ‘Resist’ onto the crosswalk, which is owned and maintained by the state Department of Transportation. The video footage came from the transportation department’s Regional Communications Center, which notified Florida Highway Patrol of the chalkers and dispatched an officer to the area to arrest them.”
Listen, if we gotta fill Floriduh’s jails and prisons with chalked-stained wretches to teach ‘em a lesson, so be it.
His work is never done
As if Floriduh Attorney General James Uthmeier doesn’t have enough on his plate already – what with shutting down “demonic” drag Christmas shows and accusing Planned Parenthood of racketeering – now the poor guy has to worry about….fake chickens!
Uthmeier is investigating Campbell’s Soup for allegedly violating the state’s ban on bioengineered meat. This after a secret recording surfaced in which an apparently disgruntled (or maybe inebriated) Campbell’s vice president rambled “I don’t buy Campbell’s products barely anymore…I don’t wanna eat a piece of chicken that came from a 3-D printer.”
To which the company quickly responded: “The comments heard on the recording about our food are not only inaccurate — they are patently absurd…Campbell’s does not use 3D-printed chicken, lab-grown chicken, or any form of artificial or bioengineered meat in our soups.”
Not sure what’s happened to the errant VP, but I suspect he’s, um, in the soup now.
Dude, I knew we could 3D politicans. But chickens?
Book banning burning out?
Hey, here’s good news…I guess. In the ‘24-‘25 school year only 400 books were banned from Floriduh public schools. This down from 700 books the year before.
Actually, that’s not good news at all. For the third year in a row PEN America named Florida No. 1 in the nation for book bans. All it likely means is that Floriduh’s self-appointed morality police are fast running out of books to ban.
Honorary Floriduhan of the day
Sorry, but I’ve gotta nominate Homeland Security Sec. Kristi Noem for the most Floriduhish quote not actually uttered by an actual Floriduhan.
At a recent cabinet meeting Noem praised her Great Cheetos boss because he “made it through the hurricane season without a hurricane…you kept the hurricanes away, we appreciate that.”
Give credit where credit’s due. Apparently only America’s First Blowhard is capable of warding off hard blows.
On the other hand, maybe that’s why the Canes can’t make it to the playoffs.
FreeGNV 