So much competition, so little time.
But that’s the problem with launching an official Floriduh Auto Anarchist Hall Of Fame (FAAHF). Picking the first inductee turns out to be a Herculean task.
He’s No. 1!
At first I thought, easy peezy. It’s gotta be that unsung hero (police neglected to release his name for some reason) in Orange County who was arrested for driving 104 mph….just three minutes after Florida’s tough new Super Speeder law – which allows immediate jailing of people who drive really, really, really fast – went into effect. I mean the guy, whoever he is, is a FAAHF pioneer.
Except that he didn’t do anything special except drive really, really, really fast.
There’s such a thing as style points you know
And then I thought, how about Damon Henkins? The 34-year old Pinellas County man was reportedly arrested “after apparently trying to recreate a scene from Titanic while going 50 mph over the speed limit.”
As per a sheriff’s dept affidavit, Henkins was clocked doing 105 mph in a 55 mph zone. But in an apparent effort to recreate the famous ‘I’m flying’ moment, Henkins was observed holding his arms outstretched just like Jack on the Titanic.
Talk about style points.
But, I dunno. Is his selection too obvious?
Miami grudge match
What about the Tesla Cybertruck jockey who got into a street race with a Lamborghini lunkhead? Hell, it coulda been an epic grudge match over a girl for all we know. In any case, the drag race ended abruptly when the Cybertruck slammed into no fewer than 7 parked cars.
As per Jalopnik, “the Cybertruck lost control and hit every single car…and good luck finding out which Miami Urus driver was street racing at that specific time on that specific stretch of road.”
Or what about this guy?
He duh man
After an 18-year old was arrested for street racing, the Lee County’s Sheriff Carmine Marcenon declared: “I have zero tolerance for street racing.”
Which would be fine and dandy, except that a video surfaced where the sheriff “appears to race a Lamborghini Huracan Spyder against a guy in a C8 Corvette,”…who apparently was also the videographer capturing the action.
“Cops often see laws as something they enforce without ever needing to obey, and video evidence of street racing from a purportedly anti-street-racing sheriff is a perfect encapsulation of that mindset,” editorialized Jalopnik. “…it’ll be interesting to see how Marceno manages to justify qualified immunity here.”
No, she’s duh man
Sorry Floriduh guys, a she wins hands down.
Cynthia Sosa was tooling through Key West when she stopped at an intersection. To let a chicken cross the road.
That’s when another driver, according to news reports, “began honking at her and later passed her, running over the chicken.”
“Sosa reportedly pursued the driver out of frustration about the chicken’s death. Upon catching up to the stopped driver, Sosa allegedly blocked the road in front of the victim’s vehicle, got out of her car and…”
“…pulled out her bear mace and sprayed it into the vehicle, spraying [the victim] directly in the face while she was seated inside.”
The trophy’s in the mail, ma’am.
Honorable mention
Ah, but we would be remiss if he did not at least give a shoutout to Christopher Spain. Far from being a super speeder, Spain was pulled over by a FHP trooper…
…while he was driving his lawn mower on the Suncoast Parkway.
Surprisingly, he refused to take a field sobriety test.
As Motor Biscuit rightly points out: “You won’t find a riding John Deere or Gravely mower with brake lights, turn signals, or a horn. What’s more, a riding mower won’t travel at much more than 10 mph. That’s dangerously slow for public roads.
Book ‘em Danno.
FreeGNV 