Floriduh: Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to think
Tacky sadism on sale now
But of course Florida Republicans are selling ‘Alligator Alley’ t-shirts, hard hats and beer koozies. “Grab our merch to support tough-on-crime borders!” Says the official X account of the Republican Party of Florida. The cruelty is the point, and what’s the point of cruelty if you can’t make a buck off it.
What next? Televised Immigrant Death Matches?
His blissful ignorance is showing
The Great DeSanitizer truly is Floriduh’s Ignorance Is Bliss
Guv. Unable to persuade the Legislature to hand out property tax breaks this session, The Guv vetoed $1 million allocated to…study the impact of property tax breaks.
“We don’t need to give a bureaucracy money to study this. We know what needs to be done, so let’s just do it, and we will do it,” pontificated our anti-Ron.
Translation: I don’t give a rat’s patootie what slashing or abolishing property taxes will do to cities, counties and schools. Screw ‘em if they can’t take a joke.
Out of sight, out of mind
Seven years ago, the Floriduh Legislature (no doubt suffering from temporary wokeism) authorized a memorial to recognize the evils of slavery. But these days Floriduh is officially a ‘see no evil’ state. So the memorial was recently erected near the capitol building with no formal dedication ceremony and all the secrecy of a state university presidential search.
Miami-Dade County Sen. Shevrin Jones told The Florida Phoenix: “I had no idea the memorial had even been installed – and that says a lot. A monument honoring the pain and resilience of enslaved Africans deserves more than a quiet placement. After seven years of work, there should have been a moment to honor that history publicly.”
Next up: A new state holiday to commemorate the valuable job skills Floriduh slaves acquired.
No good deed goes unpunished
For one brief shining moment, Luis Alverez was a hero. This for helping rescue a -year old girl from a shark attack off Boca Grand. Then the 31-year-old Nicaraguan immigrant was stopped for driving without a license, detained by ICE and now awaits deportation.
Raynel Lugo, who also assisted in the rescue, told Fox News that Alvarez went in the water first. “He went deep underwater, not even caring about the shark. He went really deep. He probably faced the shark.”
Now he’s in deep water again. With fins to the left and fins to the right.
Dead before deportation
On the other hand, Alverez is demonstrably better off than 75-year old Isidro Perez. Having managed to live quietly in Miami since 1966, Perez was swept up and detained by ICE presumably awaiting deportation.
Of course there was that marijuana offense…more than 40 years ago.
Alas, Perez died before he could be shipped out. He is one of at least 10 detainees to die in ICE custody this year.
Now for some good news
For all of Floriduh’s well documented environmental problems, at least the framed ‘square grouper’ is not yet on the endangered species list.
Recently a beach stroller in Walton County happened upon a couple of dozen, um, square grouper that had washed up on the sand. These particular SG turned out to be wrapped cocaine. And each came with an image of – and I am not making this up – Yosemite Sam.
“While enjoying our beautiful beaches, if you come across any square groupers, please call us immediately and do not touch suspicious packages. The contents could be extremely harmful,” cautioned the Walton County Sheriff’s Office.
As Yosemite Sam himself would say: What in Sam Hill?
Let’s be careful out there
Of course if you go to a Floriduh beach these days you have to worry about sunburn and red tides and maybe even flesh eating bacteria. But Gunshine State driving can be pretty risky in it’s own right.
From Zephyrhills comes this account of a nearly lethal encounter between an SUV and a garbage truck. Apparently the occupants of the SUV started an argument with the occupants of the garbage truck. The SUV driver appeared to be intoxicated.
All of which resulted in the SUV giving chase, opening fire and ultimately colliding with said garbage truck. One GT occupant was injured by gunfire. One SUV occupant was ejected during the collision. And, presumably, a good time was had by all.
Floriduh driving dudes: Please, do not try this at home!
Free the Conch Republic
Key Westers (Westerners?) pride themselves on a certain, um, freebooter attitude toward life, the universe and everything. But this anything-goes faux island republic’s independence is about to be put to the test by the neo-puritans who are running the rest of Floriduh.
Key West commissioners recently decided to terminate an agreement for local law enforcement to cooperate with ICE. “People who are seeking political asylum are important members of our community,” Commissioner Samuel Kaufman said. “We have thousands of them here, by the way. And they deserve the respect that anybody else does.”
This of course prompted a warning from state Attorney General James Uthmeier that our anti-Ron might remove the uncooperative commissioners from office.
Sounds like Key West could use a little political asylum of its own. Maybe it’s time for the Conch Republic to secede for real.
FreeGNV 