Still more stuff and nonsense from you know where.
We’re No. 1!
That’s right. According to the Southern Poverty Law Center, Florida leads the nation in hate groups.
We’ve got at least 100 We Hate Your Guts groups. This compared to just 50 in Georgia and a measly 25 in Alabama.
Basically it’s the growing acceptance of white genocide mythology that’s fueling so much ill will in the Hateshine State. “We really saw this idea grow in popularity across the far right as they use this conspiracy to target immigrants, Black people and other people of color and LGBTQ folks,” said the Law Center’s Rachael Carroll Rivas.
I dunno, maybe there’s something about the hot Floriduh sun that bakes malice into the brain.
Nuke the children
Our nomination for Floriduh Statesman of the Moment goes to Randy Fine, newly elected Republican Congressman from Kill ‘em All And Let God Sort ‘em Out County. In response to the recent murders of two Israel embassy employees, Fine, who calls himself the “Hebrew Hammer,” floated the idea of nuking Gaza.
“The fact of the matter is the Palestinian cause is an evil one,” Fine, a thrice nominated Nobel Peace Prize candidate, told Fox News. “We nuked the Japanese twice in order to get unconditional surrender. That needs to be the same here.”
Wait! What about all those iguanas that have illegally migrated to Floriduh? Can’t we at least nuke them first?
The great replacement
Speaking of illegal immigration, the University of Florida has confirmed that not only have veracious termites from Formosa and Taiwan illegally migrated to Floriduh, but they have begun to crossbreed with local termites to create a new, hybrid species.
“About 10 years ago, we first observed males and females from the two species interact through interspecies courtship behaviors during spring termite dispersal flights,” Thomas Chouvenc, UF urban entomologist reports. “This was unexpected, and it raised red flags about the possibility of hybrid populations forming in the field.”
And this, of course, is precisely what MAGA has been warning us about: The Great Replacement Theory in action: Termites today, white Christians tomorrow.
They’re back!
Talk about a blast from the past. The dreaded screwworm, which once fed on humans and animals alike in Floriduh but was eradicated decades ago, may be making a slow comeback (illegally no doubt) via Mexico,
“The earlier we catch a potential case, the better chance we have of containing it. We’re asking everyone who works with animals – whether in private practice or in the field – to take a second look at any wound that is unusual or doesn’t heal as expected,” says Florida State veterinarian Michael Short.
There is a hotline set up for anyone who spots a festering screwworm reinfestation. Don’t let’s let our guard down.
Man shoots cow
Remember the great range wars of Lincoln County New Mexico? Well, Billy the Kid had nothing on Floriduh Man. In North Ft. Meyers police arrested 54-year-old Hung Trinh after a neighbor’s cow wandered onto his property. Exercising his God-given “Stand Your Pasture” rights, Trinh opened fire.
“There will be accountability for taking your frustrations out on innocent animals, in this case multiple felonies and jail time,” Sheriff Carmine Marceno said in a statement.”
Wait! What happened to Stand Your Pasture? We are still The Gunshine State, are we not?
We been robbed!
Floriduh is being dissed!
Consumer Affairs reports that the three leading states for road ragers are…wait for it!…Louisiana, New Mexico and Colorado. Floriduh comes in an unimpressive No. 10 in the mayhem on wheels catagory.
This will not stand! Hell, we’ve got guys in Lamborghinis opening fire on the Floriduh Turnpike. We demand a recount.
Case in point: See below.
One Floriduh Man convoy
Cape Coral police are looking for the guy who drove a yellow semi-rig with trailer into a neighborhood and proceeded to flatten cars, destroy fences, knock over utility poles and otherwise cause something like $400,000 in damages before disappearing without a trace.
“The trucker was last seen heading northbound on Burnt Store Road while dragging utility poles,” as per reports.
Hell, who needs a convoy when one ticked off Floriduh Man will suffice? Like the old song goes: Ain’t she a beautiful sight?
Out of mind
The bad news is that measles have broken out in Floriduh. The good news is that we don’t have to worry our pretty little heads about where because, well, it’s really none of our never mind anyway.
“Florida Department of Health surveillance data, which previously made public the number of current cases of each vaccine-preventable disease by county, has been removed from the state website,” reports the Tampa Bay Times. “The last time that chart was available was in March after a Miami Palmetto Senior High School student was diagnosed with measles, becoming the first case in Florida in 2025.”
Clearly this is all being done to protect the privacy of anti-vaxers and their God-given right to send their infected kids to school without being made to feel bad about themselves.
Ignorance being, above all, bliss in the Free State Of Floriduh.
Enough for now. I need another drink.
FreeGNV 