Announcement! Announcement!
Listen, I know it’s way, way early. But FreeGNV is prepared to make its official endorsement for the next governor of Florida.
Drum roll please:
FreeGNV endorses David Jolly. Republican turned anti-Trumpster turned Democrat.
True, I know almost nothing about the guy.
But after 8 grim years under The Great DeSanitizer, how cool would it be for Floriduh to have a Gov. Jolly?
If only his first name was Nick it would be perfect.
A Handmaid’s tale
Melissa Calhoun will no longer be teaching high school in Brevard County thank you very much. This because she committed the School Sin That Dare Not Speak Its Name.
That’s right. As per the Associated Press, she “used a student’s chosen name without getting permission from the student’s parents in violation of Florida law…Calhoun knowingly defied the law signed by Republican Gov. Ron DeSantis in 2023 which requires parental consent to use an alternative to a student’s legal name…”
Said law no doubt passed to keep teachers from calling their students ‘Sweathogs,” like Mr. Kotter did.
Just as well she’s leaving. Next year, Floriduh teachers will be required to wear red robes and white sun bonnets. And have body cams so our Republican overlords can monitor them continuously for signs of blaspheme.
The hits keep coming
From our You Can’t Make This Stuff Up Dept: Latrance Battle, a Floriduh woman, has been arrested for impersonating an ICE agent and kidnapping her ex-boyfriend’s wife.
As per news report: “…Battle took the unidentified victim’s phone as she attempted to contact her lawyer and husband. The victim first sensed something was wrong when they arrived at an apartment complex instead of the sheriff’s office. Battle allegedly told the woman. that she needed to ‘suffer the consequences’ of her husband’s actions.”
Ok, Floriduh Man, the gauntlet has been thrown down. Let’s see the guys top that one.
Um, never mind
Whoops! I spoke too soon. In Orange County, Albert Dolan was arrested for impersonating a police officer and pulling over unsuspected motorists. As per Motor Biscuit…this Florida man has a history of impersonating a police officers. He’s even been to jail for the crime. When they confronted him, Dolan immediately announced that he hadn’t been impersonating a deputy. But here’s the crazy part. Dolan was arrested eight years ago for pulling the same stunt–on the same road.
And this pattern is even older. The very first court records of Albert Dolan being arrested for impersonating a police officer are from August 1994.
Albert gets the Floriduh Man Lifetime Achievement Award.
With friends like these
Speaking of Floriduh Man, our anti-Ron clearly has never read “How To Win Friends And Influence People.” This is what he texted his devoted followers everywhere: “Florida House leaders are working with Democrats to stop our agenda and sabotage Florida’s success. Call your State Rep … and tell them to stand with the people and me to keep Florida free!”
To which House Speaker Daniel Perez responded, tartly:
Unfortunately, what we’ve seen in Florida is a Governor who’s turned into exactly what he promised to fight — he’s become the swamp. His latest attacks are nothing more than a distraction from the gross financial mismanagement happening under his watch. We’re talking about thousands of missing state vehicles, $160 million unaccounted for at AHCA [Florida Agency for Health Care Administration], and a growing list of problems across agencies and boards — all controlled by the Governor.
Dude! Didn’t anybody ever tell you that you catch more flies with honey?
Don’t demonstrate, shoot back
After they got over the shock of the mass shooting on their campus, some FSU students marched on the state Capitol demanding that the Legislature enact gun control to keep them safe.
Fat chance of that happening in this here Gunslinger State.
Anyway, Florida Board of Education member Daniel Foganholi has a solution that is likely to be more palatable to gun besotted lawmakers: Let college faculty and students carry their own guns so they can shoot back.
Foganholi writes: “We owe our students, educators and staff more than empty promises and pointless legislation. We owe them their God-given right to self-defenseman.”
If nothing else, it’ll make for some, um, lively home game Saturday nights on campus come the football season.
Dead, dead, dead!
Democratic Senate Leader Jason Pizzo just pulled a stunner: He changed his registration to No Party Affiliation. Why?
“The Democratic Party in Florida is dead,” he pronounced with all the authority of a TV medical examiner.
This will, no doubt come as a shock to Republicans: After more than 30 years of unbroken GOP state rule, they’re still blaming Democrats for virtually everything that ails Floriduh.
Why, it’s like the Dems are Floriduh zombies, still aimlessly wandering around in search of brains.
Quote Of The Week
“What we are doing is good. What we are doing is just. Sometimes you have to put on the full armor of God and you fight, because you know what you’re doing is righteous.”
Floriduh First Lady Casey DeSantis, whose charity Hope Florida was under legislative scrutiny for putting on the full armor to do God’s righteous work: Namely funneling millions of dollars to dark mone groups working to defeat a legalized marijuana initiative.
Apparently, God really is on her side. The House Health Care Budget Subcommittee abruptly dropped its investigation.
Book him Danno
BTW, just because FSU students have been traumatized by a mass shooting doesn’t mean they act like they’re in some kind of daycare center.
One FSU protestor was arrested for, um, using his outside voice while speaking up for the fallen.
Reports The Tallahassee Democrat:
An Instagram video posted by the Tallahassee Students for a Democratic Society shows FSU police streaming out of the Westcott building and taking SDS member Tavyan Lain Dorsey into custody Thursday afternoon while the student was leading the chant, “Robert Morales and Tiru Chabba. Say their names.”
The student was using a microphone and appeared to have been warned by police that the use of PA systems and bullhorns is prohibited in campus protests.
That’ll learn ‘em.
Shoot first
And finally, lawmakers are considering a bill to allow people to shoot drones out of the sky if they feel like their privacy is being invaded.
One problem: The Federal Aviation Administration prohibits shooting down drones because “an unmanned aircraft hit by gunfire could crash, causing damage to persons or property on the ground, or it could collide with other objects in the air.”
Small price to pay for privacy, if you ask em. But not to worry: Trump is likely to sign an executive order authorizing drone shootings any day now.
FreeGNV 