Ron’s rocky road to recovery

(Group leader: This meeting of EOP Anonymous is now in session. As a first order of business let’s greet our newest member.)

Hello. I’m Ron Cunningham.

(Chorus: Hi, Ron!)

And I’m an Enemy Of The People.

(Tell it like it is, Ron.)

I now realize that the first step to recovery is to face up to the truth.

(Amen, Ron)

Listen, I never really thought of myself as an Enemy Of The People. I mean, all my life I have paid my taxes, voted, worked for a living and obeyed the laws of the land. I’ve even been to war in the defense of my country.

How can someone like me possibly be an EOP?

(Group leader: That’s a crock, Ron. You are in denial. And we’re not talking about a croc-infested river in Egypt.)

I know. I know. I mean, if I’m being honest with myself, the signs have always been there.

Case in point: I’m the only one in this room who is drinking tea instead of coffee. What kind of a RA (Real American) drinks tea?

(Time to come to Jesus, Ron.)

And if my elected state representatives, governor, congresswoman, senators and president all keep drilling it into my head that I’m an Enemy Of The People, who am I to argue?

So, in search of the truth, I went to the Hamilton Center For Whitewashing Higher Education at the University of DeSanitizer.

Where I got myself an Official EOP Checklist.

And slowly, check by check, the horrible truth dawned on me.

Career newspaper man, so Fake Media.

Check.

Infected with the deadly sin of opinionism.

Check.

Liberal blogger.

Check.

Indoctrinated in a liberal arts university (the former University of Florida, now a wholly owned subsidy of The Great DeSanitizer for President Committee.)

Check.

Democrat.

Check.

Radical environmentalist.

Check.

Marxist-Lennonist. (Groucho and John are my personal heroes.)

Check.

Woke (except for about 8 hours every night.)

Check.

The letters D, E, and I are not so subtly embedded in my full name.

Check, check and check.

And it gets worse.

(Tell us, Ron.)

I (gasp) ride a bicycle.

Check.

And I hate cars.

Check.

Especially jacked-up pickups on steroids.

Check.

I fantasize about vandalizing Cybertrucks.

Check.

Preferably one with Elon trapped inside.

Check.

And I take The Lord’s…um…I mean The President’s name in vain.

Check.

I have been to Canada, Europe and other hot beds of anti-American sentiment to broaden my horizons.

(For shame, Ron.)

I know. I know.

When I was a young campaign reporter, I once acquired a Reagan-Bush t-shirt.

And I never once put it on.

(Repent, Ron. Repent!)

Repent? Repent what?

(Group leader: Wait! Aren’t you here to get on the road to recovery? From EOP to RA?)

No. Whatever gave you that idea?

(Group Leader: Well why the hell are you here then?)

I’m here to brag.

Hello. I’m Ron Cunningham.

And I’m an Enemy Of The People.

BTW: Anybody here got a tea bag?