I hate it when this happens.
Caught with his pants down, the anti-Ron (aka The Great DeSanitizer) should have been humiliated by the overwhelmingly negative response to his dastardly plan to build hotels (I mean lodges), golf courses and pickleball courts on state parks.
But then he wiggled right out of it.
“A lot of that stuff was just half-baked and it was leaked to a left-wing group to try to create a narrative,” said DeSantis during a press conference in Polk County.
Drat and double drat! How did he know?
So, caught with my own pants down, I fess up.
We did it! We Wise Guys! And we’re glad!
You probably don’t know much about my shadowy left-wing cabal, aka the Wise Guys. That’s because we do our plotting and scheming in secret.
While gathered around one of the big GNV Streetery tables outside Looseys.
In the great shadow cast by the City’s parking garage.
Where conspiracies are born.
“Cabalites,” said I to my shadowy co-conspirators, “what shall we do this time to drag the anti-Ron through the dirt?”
“I know! I Know!” said the cabalist hiding behind a graying goatee and under a way too frayed Panama Hat. “Let’s leak that he once shared a love couch with J.D. Vance!”
Nah! Too Freudian.”
“Hey,” popped up our cleverly planted operative of that shadowy secret society known as the Florida Bar. “Why don’t we blow the whistle on his plan to build hotels, golf courses and pickleball courts in state parks?”
“But that’s true,” I protested. “Who’s gonna believe the truth in this Free State Of Floriduh?”
“That’s the beauty of it,” said the cabalists who spews coded, subliminal Marxist propaganda over the radio. “The truth shall set us free!”
So we started whispering.
And the whispering begat Facebooking.
And Facebooking begat Xing.
And the next thing we knew, even Matt Gatz and Rick Scott were climbing on the anti-Ron No Pickleball Train.
Alas, all for naught.
Because as soon as the Guv spilled the beans on our shadowy left-wing conspiracy every Floridian from Key West to Pensacola threw down his or her “No pickleball!” signs, shrugged and said:
“Oh! Well never mind then.”
Curses, foiled again. Back to lashing Nell to the railroad tracks I guess
***
Randy to anti-Ron: Drop dead!
anti-Ron to Randy: you first!
Wow! When Republicans turn on each other they really turn on each other.
It wasn’t bad enough that our anti-Ron had to fly all the way to Ireland only to watch the ‘Noles get humiliated by Georgia Tech.
Then he had to fly home again to suffer the Wrath Of Randy!
“I was certainly disappointed to see not only folks go to what is clearly an antisemitic country that supports Muslim terror, but I was also disappointed that the game wasn’t cancelled, which it should have been,” said state Rep Randy Fine, R-Feigned Outrage.
Randy used to be firmly in the anti-Ron’s camp before he got aboard the Trump Train.
Now he and The Great DeSanitizer are in a tug-of-war over which one can out-Israel the other.
“I’m gonna arrest every pro-Palistinian protestor on every Free State Of Floriduh college campus and stick em where the sun don’t shine,” growled TGDS.
“Oh yeah? Well I’m gonna pass a bill that adds any country that recognizes Palestine to Florida’s list of scrutinized countries!” retorts Wrathful Randy.
You know, countries like Ireland.
Where the anti-Ron just tail-gated.
But it didn’t end there.
“Will (Fine) give back his Harvard degree now?” anti-Ron spokesman Jeremy Fenske posted on X. This in reference to Harvard University hiring former University of Pennsylvania president Liz Magill. She who resigned because, presumably, she didn’t do enough to combat anti-semitism at U-Penn.
And Fenske was just one of three anti-Ron staffers who poked Fine via X.
To which Fine responded:
If one of my taxpayer-funded staff ever engaged another elected official in the manner in which three members of the Governor’s staff has tonight – and often and routinely does – I would fire them immediately.”
You can see where this is headed, my Free State of Floriduh friends and neighbors.
This is rapidly becoming an affaire d’honneur. One which must inevitably be settled, gentleman-to-gentleman, in the traditional fashion.
I suggest Roman candles under the rotunda. At dawn of course.
FreeGNV 