Teddy, we hardly knew ye

Wait! What?

They want to build a 350-room lodge (i.e. resort) on the beach at Anastasia State Park?

And another one in Topsail Hill Preserve?

And put golf courses in Jonathan Dickson State Park?

And build a slew of pickleball courts and disc golf courses at state parks here there and everywhere.

Why?

Well because Teddy Roosevelt of course.

“Teddy Roosevelt believed that public parks were for the benefit and enjoyment of the people, and we agree with him,” The Great DeSanitizer’s press secretary, Jeremy Redfern, said after word got out about the anti-Ron’s plans to make state parks more, um, fun. “But it’s high time we made public lands more accessible to the public.”

No question Teddy was a sportsman as well as a conservationist. But I have a hard time imagining him playing pickleball on Anastasia’s Salt Run or wafting a frizbee in the direction of a wire basket near a protected rookery.

And I’ll admit that I’m taking all this personally.

Anastasia State Park isn’t just my favorite place to camp in Florida.

It’s my favorite place to camp in the world.

And has been for something like 40 years.

My kids grew up camping in Anastasia. They ran wild under the park’s salt-sculptured oaks and among its ancient dunes. At night we would gather on its dark beach and watch the Atlantic’s phosphorous-laden waters perform a magic light show.

So, yeah, by all means. Let’s plunk down a humongous lighted resort where those hatching turtles are trying to find their way to the sea before the predators can get to em.

I’m not buying it.

Apparently a lot of other Floridians aren’t either.

And I’m not believing this.

The most despicable politician in Florida has just forced me into a common cause with the second most despicable politician in Florida.

Even Matt Gaetz – Florida’s own congressional agent of chaos – is calling on the anti-Ron to drop his Great Outdoors Initiative….

…so named because it intends to replace a bunch of great outdoors with concrete, asphalt, golf turf and whatever it is they make those pickleball courts out of.

Good one, Guv.

And, listen, let’s not blame a long dead president for this abomination.

The anti-Ron’s Free State Of Floriduh is nothing if not transactional.

A lot of powerful special interests have poured a lot of money into GOP campaign coffers. And they expect a return on their, um, investment,

A couple of 350-room resorts on state property? Well, somebody’s gotta build them. Somebody’s gotta operate them. Somebody’s gonna profit from them. Ditto the golf courses.

And once you’ve set the precedent? Well, there are state parks all over Florida that could host similar, um, improvements. Fort Clinch, Sebastian Inlet, Little Talbot Island to name just a few of the more obvious candidates.

They’ve all got way more wasted great outdoors than they know what to do with.

Teddy Roosevelt hell! This is a scheme that the likes of Henry Flagler and Ed Ball would have envied.

I can’t believe I have to say this. And I’ll never forgive the anti-Ron for making this Ron utter these words.

Matt Gaetz is right.

Mouthwash please.